Friday, March 14, 2008

...after a long time :-)...

Saying its been a quite sometime since i wrote in this blog would be an understatement.... Long time overdue :-)

To be honest..been stressed out..heart feels very heavy.. reasons? well, this & that.. too many to actually mention..
For tha past week and a half now..even after a hectic day.. im leftalone in my room.. pondering..about the cause for the lump in my throat and then.. a memory out of the corner of my head to trouble me even more!!
Tears slowly trickle down.. well, crying maybe child-like.. but sometimes crying just makes me feel so good..
This is mostly followed by an urge to share the heaviness with someone... yet again.. the question arises who..Who can you trust.. to understand every syllable ..
Whats unfortunate is that most of the time,feelings are just misinterpreted for a "a stunt for sympathy" or even worse "trying to gain attention"..so i prefer to cry to myself..And many seem to be of the opinion that even if im happy my happiness is always irrational and short-lived!
In my defence.. i can only say,unfortunaltely for me..the pain just runs a little deeper than it actually seems like..and is a lot moreillogical...i really envy those people who are so beautifullyoptimistic in life..When i see these people im just utterlybewildered..and wishing i could switch places..
When things go real bad.. rough.. when uncertainity creeps into me..make me feel really bad,i'm left helpless..i play a song and cry silently through the night..questionin God why ... accusing Him for everythin.. slowly dozing off..A week later.. if and when things are right...it jus seems so stupid..coz it was a mere wate of time..but i guess Crying really helps sometimes
A few days back i was just Happy..in the full sense of it.. It seemed angels were actually surrounding me .. not lettin even a whiff of sadnessof any cause for it near me.. but alas.. i should have known .. this cant be my life!Now i'm just howling and its because I've discovered yet again that lifain't that simple... In fact it aint even close to being "simple"..Andit doesn't help that none of the people I'm howling for will ever see my point of view..
And yet again i was touched..incredibly touched that there are people(can actually count them on number tips) who are concerned. Peoplewho aren't even family but who care enough to think about me when I'mnot doing it myself..glad about that!

The only thing that's keeping me going right now is the thought that everything passes.. The worst of days go from being a reality to a mere memory..

anyway, on that note . i'm just signing off..

1 comment:

Arvind said...

this really deserves an OSCAR!! Made me cry...