Friday, April 9, 2010
For some people, its a daunting task to clear their mind.. to break free from the constant processing of their brain, while some manage to exercise control over it just as easily.
What i am about to say might just sound like a load of gibberish, then i guess,my gray cells are processing a load of crap..
There is always an influx of questions in my head !One among these is how come I live in anticipation of melancholy to come knocking even wen I am surrounded by the most happiest of moments. Whether it be the satisfaction in my dad's voice to hear i'm going to start out a new venture, or it be the magical words uttered by my beau, sadly, my brain keeps prodding me as to when all of this would vanish!
Seeing people around me who seem to be hassle-free or else unperturbed by any worries is mere frustrating.Call me a sadist,but thats just how i feel.
Makes me wonder, does happiness exist.. or is it a figment of our imagination..if it does exist, then why doesn't it last? Why does it keep distancing itself from me !! :-(
I am faced with multifarious issues everyday.. Some give me satisfaction..some immense pleasure.. but mostly, I am just left with a feeling of emptiness..Is it just my stupid over-working brain that generates these emotions??
Anway, what i have come to realise is that being happy isn’t quite as simple as clearing your papers or getting a job, (both of which i have achieved only after a lot of perseverance) despite what the elders may tell you. We need to dig past the superficiality and realise the true meaning of happiness.
The question as to how to achieve it still gnaws me endlessly, and
I shall leave u with this thought a certain classmate shared with me: "Happiness is like a butterfly, If u run after it, it keeps flying away, but if u stand still, it comes and sits on your shoulder".. Funny pun, isn't it !
Thursday, April 1, 2010
Today morning, I was pleasantly surprised to see an email from my HR SPOC, what was it about? ... It was about April fool’s day celebration plan for our company. It was decided that we can give flowers to the people whomsoever we appreciate in our company(or anywhere in Tech M I guess) and flowers would be made available. Other tokens of appreciation like gifts, chocs etc. could also be gifted. The person receiving most flowers would be declared phool of the day.
I must say it is an innovative way to celebrate April fool’s day (though pretty boring). April fool’s day pranks are always memorable, the recent one last year was with my roomie. I loved the way he acted drunk on the phone and called a female friend to tell her that he is madly in love with her, the aspiring director made a great job with the Devdas aka Bevdas act. The next day when he called her she very cutely reprimanded him saying he should not be calling her when he is drunk which was followed by a great belly laughter by our roomies. The image of Rajdeep laughing is etched in my mind.
However, the best April fool’s prank at whose receiving end I found myself was played on me by my cable operator. I had finished my boards on 31st March and as is the case when answering exams I did not really remember the date. I was watching the late night TV shows and suddenly the cable guys flashed a message that they would be showing a naughty movie at midnight. This was really welcome after the examination stress ( not that male lust hibernates during exam days, in fact the opposite is true at times). I waited eagerly to see it, only to be greeted by the message that I am an April fool L ..BAKRA!!
Nowadays, the stress is on commercializing all these events rather then making them eventful in the real sense. Valentine’s day was not more than a card and chocolates two decades back but now things are very different. Coming from a business family, I am all for commercialization.Giving flowers is not really mushy any more. WHY? ...I can imagine a disgruntled employee handing over a rose to his boss while slowly grumbling an inaudible ‘get well soon’… LOL!... If the guy at the receiving end does manage to step down the pedestal, he may realize or maybe that is not possible. However, the sarcasm or gandhigiri is not to be restricted to the senior-subordinate equation, it could well be extended to the cubicle jungle. The fairer species loves chocolates, give a chocolate to someone arrogant .. “something small , hope it makes you sweet” , it better be inaudible or audible with a time delay ( Post graduation making me a geek!).
The good news is we can still be bad on this day .. Happy April fool’s day!
She was a typical middle class girl brought up like any other TamBram. Her parents had inculcated in her the values that they believed in. She was told from the outset what was important. Respect for elders and education meant everything for her parents.
'Nothing is as important as education in this world',it was etched in her brain cells.
And so, when she did embark upon her journey, she had no other thought in her mind. She was bright, inquisitive and more importantly focussed. Now, at that young age, even her parents were in awe of her sincerity.
She took up daily errands in the house which none of her siblings had done. She wanted to help with the household especially since her grandmother had so much to do. Her work was despicable. Her cousins saw this as an aberrant behaviour because she was like no one in the family. Contrary to the general trend, she was timid and voiceless. She would never converse unless she was spoken to. She never demanded for a birthday gift..nor did she ever complain that her mother wasn't around like the other kids. She was happy with the independence she had.
It came as a shock when she was apprised of her father's transfer to Mumbai. She was elated,more than anyone in the family. Secretly she was surprised by her ambivalent emotions..the separation from her extended family and the joy of a new place.
It was a new start. She was finally going to move out of Chennai, the place that she despised.
The transition was quick. Within a fornight, she found herself amidst the Mumbaikars. Her admission in the school was an exception made by the principal, owing to her excellent academic records and her performance in the induction test.The principal said so herself. Her mother's anxiety had turned into pride that her daughter had been accepted in one of the best schools. Being a carreer oriented mother, she never had to worry about her well-disciplined daughter.
Well,the little girl was blosooming into a woman. Little did she know that the place was going to transform her. She was aware that she ahd a lot to learn.
She would carefully observe her classmates who were forthright and shrewd, something she never was. Slowly, she adjusted herself to this new place. She became one among them.
From being the quiet timid girl, she became the confident out-spoken daring girl. I guess thats was the air of Mumbai instills in you.
Her academics spoke for itself. She impressed the teachers with her aptitude for maths and the fluency in English.As her granfather would say, luckily, she had inherited her dad's humbleness.
She never interacted much with her mother. However, the father-daughter chats were frequent. She would always wonder why her mother never found time to have these chats. It would bring a tear to her eyes,so she would immedialtely shun it to the back of her head. She had not been taught to cry. Her father was so strong. She wanted to be like him. She knew he was proud of her. It was her mother she wanted to impress. So, she kept trying, pushing herself beyond the limits set by herself. She hoped one day she would succeed.
Soon, she discovered a new side of her, something she never thought she had. In a society like in Mumbai, it was hard not to socialise. Even harder when everyone around you is doing it. However, this interest did not appeal to her mother.
Unable to obtain her mother's approbation, she realised what most teenager do. "what she doesnt know will not hurt her." Then began the lying. The first one was a little difficult, the second comparitively easier..and finally it became easier to lie rather than try to combat with her mother to seek approval.
Despite the lies, she never let her education take a backseat. She was still a topper and remained so for a long time. She had great friends.. few guys whom she fancied..and in short a normal teenage life.
Well, life doesnt go smoothly. The teenager din't know this at that time! Good things have to come to an end. The much dreaded transfer happened again. There was no packing-the-luggage with alacrity to see a new place. Her parents' apathy towards moving to a new place angered her. She did not want to move. She was unaware of what they were punishing her for. Teenage mind is a fickle mind.
The emotions she felt that time, she could not express to anyone, simply because she had never done it before. She did not know how to. She had become so attached to the place, the air, the pollution, the fast-paced life, the sweaty people around her in the bus, the first smell of rain , her best friend.
It seemed impossible to separate from the place.She was aghast. She knew deep down inside her father would have tried his best to stay there but she had to blame someone and it cudnt be herself. She became belligerent. She knew she was fighting a losing battle.
When she moved into the new place, she had an aversion towards everything. For one, the school she was admitted into did not appeal to her. She realised she couldn't let her father feel bad about it. So she did take it in her stride.. well she put up an act. After a while, it was etched in her that in time, she would go back there. After living in the crowded metropolis, Goa felt like the most desolated place in the world !
Her father tried to raise her hopes but she well knew they were all delusive promises.
The only way was to put this behind her and start afresh, build new memories. It was painful. She lost that spark . Probably, Mumbai took away her spark when she left.
They say, life happens when you are busy doing other things. She couldn't fret about her new life anymore. She was faced with exams, which she was told , dictated her future. But this time, she found herself in a different situation. She refused to
make a conscious effort.Her apathy towards studies resulted in a
In the end when it mattered, she did perform well. Not for anyone, but just to tell her parents that she had done her duty even though they had not.However,this time, her parents, were not too proud of her simply because she had not performed to her capability.
Her mother was disappointed. After all, somebody else's kid had fared much better.From then on, things changed. The family nature of always feeling someone else's kid is better than mine started to show in her mother as well.
This continued from then on.Being constantly reminded of her "failure" did little to help. She was no more a teenager. She became a college graduate. Even then, what she had achieved wasn't enough. There was still a feeling of "you could have done much better".
At the end of it all, She had grown to be just another kid who failed to please her parents. She had finally lost hope that she would ever be able to please anyone.